Wanting my life back- the quest for strength

Cancer and chemo are no fun. I started out big and brave, resigning to my future with battling breast cancer.

First came all the tests…mamograms, ultra sounds, pet scans, biopsies and finally diagnosis. Stage 2 lobular invasive cancer. Then…decisions? Choose now, mastectomy or lumpectomy. Who in the world could possibly advise me on such a subject? Because, yes, they want you to make the decision all on your own. I chose lumpectomy, because it seemed easier to deal with than breast reconstruction. Also, if it comes back I will give ’em both up.

They did the lumpectomy, which means they removed the 1.5 centimeter lump and left kind of a crater in my left breast, at 4:00 position. Not too bad, but when I did my follow up with the surgeon, she informed me that I did not have clear margins yet and they would have to go back in and do a little more removal of tissue. The tests also revealed that I had another kind of breast cancer as well, in situ in my duct.

OK one more round, even though I did not want to go through it again, I did it. So now the Cancer has been cut out of me and it’s time for my Chemo treatments.

Chemo is one of the hardest things I ever did. I consider myself a strong person, able to bear and bounce back from anything. I was widowed at the age of 33 when my newborn daughter was only a month old. My husband died in a car accident. I made it through that as best as I could. Now was another test of my endurance, strength and attitude.  Somehow I got through the Chemo and radiation, feeling fatigued and sick most of the time.  Gradually, I came back to feeling normal and made a vow to get healthy.  I changed my diet, started exercising again and was able to build my self up again.  Halleluia!

Fast forward to my current illness.  3 weeks in the hospital and major surgery has left me weak once again.  All to familiar and I hate it!  Usually, I am a very energetic person, ready to embark on impromptu trips, jumping into an advanced step class at the gym, taking dance classes and thowing parties at my job as a social director.  So, I’m finding it really difficult this time to be so weak and unable to do the things I love to do.  I am hoping I will get enough strength back to return to work some time next week.  Tomorrow is my Dr. appointment and I am waiting to get the word from him as to when I can get back to reality.

OK, that’s enough whining for now, I just had to get it off my chest!  Onward & upward.

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